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| Brett Ratner, Kevin Spacey and Dustin Hoffman |
Not in reaction to having been publicly outed for inappropriate or illegal behavior.
But out of fear that a past incident, or some behavior that they engaged in back in the past might possibly expose them to the kind of legal action or unwanted negative media publicity that has torpedoed the careers and reputations of men like director / producer Brett Ratner, and actors Kevin Spacey and Dustin Hoffman (pictured above).
In my view, justice for victims of sexual harassment or assault, discouraging / preventing such behavior from taking place, and holding perpetrators accountable for their actions lies at the heart of the #MeToo movement - as does the chance for victims to begin to heal from past emotional, psychological or physical trauma.
But one of the most fascinating aspects of this emerging era of #MeToo is the almost unprecedented amount of self-reflection that it has sparked on the part of perpetrators and victims alike.
As the well-known Los Angeles attorney and former LA County public defender Shawn Holley observed in the above-mentioned Hollywood Reporter article:
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| Hollywood attorney Shawn Holley (right) in court with her former client, actress Lindsey Lohan |
The men have usually received some correspondence from someone with whom they haven't spoken in many, many, many, many years. The men maintain their innocence but are understandably fearful of what might happen in this charged climate."
Is it just the fear of being exposed that has driven some men to reflect back upon their behavior in the past?
Clearly some men in positions of power or influence are terrified of the loss of power, wealth and status that come with an irreparably-damaged public reputation.
Especially in this era of social media when stories or accusations can become fodder for the 24/7 global media news cycle in minutes.
Just look at the ex-New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman (pictured below).
Last week he literally resigned his office just hours after a New Yorker article was published that detailed disturbing accusations of his physical abuse of at least four women who went on record.
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| Ex-NY Attorney General Eric Schneiderman |
If you haven't read the New Yorker article by Jane Mayer and Ronan Farrow, it contains some pretty horrifying accusations about repeated instances when he intentionally slapped women.
And it certainly didn't sound like Schneiderman's conscience was exactly troubled any more than Harvey Weinstein's was; and both men seemed more troubled about the damage to their careers than they were about the women they abused.
All these highly-publicized cases have made clear that this is (and has been) a problem that's far more extensive and pervasive throughout the layers of our society than has been commonly known or openly acknowledged.
As an African-American, I'm certainly familiar with the concept and reality of institutionalized racism.
But as a man, I confess that until the flood of revelations that came out in what's being called the "post-Harvey Weinstein era", I wasn't aware that institutionalized sexism existed as well.
I mean I understood the history of the struggle for American women to gain the vote, to achieve financial independence and the years-long efforts to pass the Equal Rights Amendment - the struggle for pay equity is still going on.
As a film buff, I certainly understood the kind of harassment (and worse) that's often reduced to the simplistic and sanitized term "the casting couch".
But I simply didn't fully comprehend the degree to which that kind of behavior extended to other industries and workplaces where women were subjected to that kind of degrading behavior.
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| MGM head Louis B. Mayer looms over actress Judy Garland as actor Mickey Rooney looks on |
Or director Alfred Hitchcock's notorious obsession with actress Tippi Hedren (the mother of actress Melanie Griffith), arguably as creepy as any of his films.
It's simply not enough for men or boys to say "I didn't know", or "I had no idea".
I think there's a broader need or mandate for all men to understand how deeply rooted this is in our culture - and to understand how it affected our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, daughters, cousins, nieces, co-workers, classmates and friends.
No matter how uncomfortable or awkward that conversation may be.
Like a lot of men I've found myself looking back on my life trying to reexamine incidents that I witnessed or things I heard or said that might be considered sexist or inappropriate to women.
To be clear, in no way am I personally concerned that "the past might catch up with me", my parents raised me to respect women and to treat them fairly and equally - and I always have.
I learned that from my father who went out of his way to promote qualified women in the 1970's and 1980's during his career with the Boy Scouts of America when other executives of his stature and level weren't doing that.
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| "Old Main" on the campus of Penn State University |
It can also be things that might seem small or harmless on the surface, but are none-the-less offensive and possibly traumatizing to those who are subject to it.
The other day I found myself thinking back to my college years at Penn State University.
Specifically I remember when some of my friends (and at times, me) would call girls out publicly for what was often called the "walk of shame" - when we'd see girls walking back towards the dorms in the morning dressed up in evening clothes from the night before.
As football players, we were required to check in for breakfast at training table every morning, regardless of the time of year - so even after a long night out in the bars or at frats we still had to get out of bed and get over to training table and check in or we'd get ripped a new asshole by former head coach Joe Paterno.
The purpose of this essay is not to weigh and analyze the implications of the Jerry Sandusky abuse scandal - but suffice to say, if you were a football player, you did NOT miss breakfast.
So even if you just walked in the door, signed your name (and there was a guy sitting by the door with a clipboard who did that each morning) and walked right out, you had to get up and go.
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| Students walking across the PSU campus |
Like sometimes she'd be carrying her heels if the weather was warm, that kind of thing.
Sometimes one of us would roll down the window and yell "Walk of shame!" as we drove past the poor girl, sometimes we'd all chant it loudly and laugh.
At the time, it seemed innocent enough college-type buffoonery, but in retrospect I feel like it was unnecessarily cruel, judgmental and disrespectful.
We were making a completely arbitrary, superficial and unjustified assumption that because we saw a young woman walking home in clothes from the night before that she'd "hooked up" or had sex with someone.
We were judging her unfairly.
Maybe she'd stayed up late watching a movie, ate some late-night pizza with friends, or stayed up talking about life and just decided to crash because it was late.
Even if she had had sex, we had no right to act that way and reinforce antiquated ideas of needing to publicly "shame" women for expressing their sexuality in ways that are perfectly natural.
What business was it of ours?
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| A young woman reacts to guys yelling out "Walk of shame" on a college campus |
When I try and put myself in the shoes of the girl who may have been simply walking home across campus in the morning from an evening formal, or spending the night with her boyfriend or girlfriend and to have a group of obnoxious guys drive by yelling or chanting "Walk of shame!" as they drove past in a car?
That's harassment plain and simple.
Even if there was no physical contact or anything, treating a stranger like that was boorish, bullying behavior and looking back and reflecting on all that's been revealed since the Harvey Weinstein story broke, I genuinely feel bad about taking part in that kind of thing.
To be clear, guys calling young women out for the "Walk of shame" isn't limited to the campus of Penn State University either - it's a global thing.
And seriously, if I knew a way to contact any of the women who were subjected to that, I would write and apologize - but as I've come to learn, you can't just walk that behavior back.
In recent weeks I've watched as Donald Trump went from denying having an affair with adult film actress Stormy Daniels, to admitting that he compensated his former "fixer" Michael Cohen $100,000 for the $130,00 payment Cohen made to her days before the November 2016 presidential elections in order to buy her silence about the affair - part of which took place while Melania Trump was pregnant with their son Baron.
You can't just walk that kind of behavior or those choices back - and those choices stay with you.
Not just for men in high profile positions, but for average guys whose names may never make the evening news because of choices they once made.
Like morally judging a young woman simply for walking back home on the campus of an institution of higher learning.
Self-reflection has helped me to understand why that was wrong, but it doesn't change how I or my friends made someone we didn't know feel - it's not something I'd contact a lawyer or PR firm about.
But it's something that I can never walk back.
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